summary comparison

Hey everyone! My new blog post is about the two summaries we had to write for English class.

1st summary

The first summary is about a video we watched in English class. The video is about the financial crisis of 2008. This is a before-and-after blogpost based on the summary I wrote about the video. The second summary is the corrected version. 

1. first version:

The Crisis of Credit Visualised:

The video explains the world-wide financial crisis and how it affected the economy and therefore, the whole population. There are two important groups of people, the homeowners and the investors. Homeowners apply for mortgages given by the investors. The investors get their money from large institutions such as, sovereign, pension and mutual funds. To get more money they would buy treasury bills from the US Federal Reserve. As a result of economic crises and terrorist attacks, the Federal Reserve lowered interest rates to keep the economy working. The following cheap credits facilitated borrowing money resulting in banks going crazy with leverage. Banks started to connect investors to homeowners through mortgages. Due to investors craving for more money, they began taking risks by giving mortgages to homeowners that were less likely able to pay them off, called subprime mortgages. Subsequently, several homeowners default on their mortgages. The bankers’ monthly payments turned into houses. More and more houses were on the market creating more supply than demand.  This resulted in houses losing their value and even homeowners who were considered prime mortgages left. The brokers could not sell their houses anymore as everyone was bankrupt. In the end the financial system froze.

2. version (corrected):

The video “The Crisis of Credit Visualised” from the website crisisofcredit.com explains the 2008 world-wide financial crisis and how it affected the economy and population. There are two groups of people that were brought together by the credit crisis, the homeowners and the investors. Homeowners apply for mortgages given indirectly by the investors. The investors are large institutions such as, sovereign, pension and mutual funds. To get more money they used to buy treasury bills from the US Federal Reserve. As a result of economic crises and terrorist attacks, the Federal Reserve lowered interest rates to keep the economy working. The following cheap credit facilitated borrowing money which made rendering treasury bills unattractive and resulted in banks wanting further money. 

Banks started to connect investors to homeowners through mortgages. Due to investors urging for more money, they began taking risks by giving mortgages to homeowners that were less likely to pay them off, called subprime mortgages. Subsequently, several homeowners defaulted on their mortgages. The bankers’ monthly payments turned into houses. Ever more houses were on the market creating more supply than demand.  This resulted in houses losing their value and even homeowners who were considered prime mortgages left as they weren’t willing to pay more money than necessary. The brokers could not sell their houses anymore as everyone was bankrupt. In the end the financial system froze.

2nd summary:

1. version:

Great Profits During The War:

The article discusses the question whether innovators should profit from warfare or act from pure patriotism instead.
Before World War One, which is also called the Great War, Britain had no military-industrial complex to facilitate warfare. Scientists would risk their lives because of sole patriotism. Not only patriotism was a reason for industrial activity in wartime, also financial rewards that were awarded after the war ended in November 1918. When Britain entered the war on the 4^th of August 1914, the Marconi Company offered wireless operators and training. They helped to facilitate the armed services’ use of wireless communications without demanding payment. Telecommunications had been very important during the war. The Fullerphone, invented in 1916, was of great importance as well. Despite this, the inventor was less rewarded for it than he had hoped but later was able to reach the rank of a major-general. As Marconi played a major role in supporting the British government, they also wanted a large refund for their industrial contributions. This caused a post-war dispute between the British government and the company. Although the exact amount of the refund is not officially known, the company was able to become a telecommunications giant now called “Cable and Wireless”.
So did those innovators just want to take advantage out of warfare, or did they really donate their all to the cause?

2. version (corrected):

The article in “The Guardian” from the 28^th of October 2013 by Elizabeth Burton and Graeme Gooday discusses the question whether innovators should profit from warfare or act from pure patriotism instead.

Before World War One, Britain had no military-industrial complex to facilitate warfare. Scientists would risk their lives for sole patriotism. Patriotism was not the only reason for industrial activity, but also financial rewards that were awarded after the end of the war. When Britain entered the war in 1914, the Marconi Company offered wireless operators and training. They helped to facilitate the armed services’ use of wireless communications without demanding payment. Due to the fact that France and Britain were scientifically ahead of Britain, it established the Department of Industrial Research in 1915. Telecommunications had been very important during the war as it helped to intercept the enemy’s communication. The Fullerphone for example, invented in 1916, was of great importance. Despite this, the inventor was less rewarded for it than he had hoped but later was able to reach the rank of a major-general. As Marconi played a major role in supporting the British government, they also wanted a large refund for their industrial contributions. This caused a post-war dispute between the British government and the company. Although the exact amount of the refund is not officially known, the company was able to become a telecommunications giant now called “Cable and Wireless”.
So did those innovators just want to take advantage out of warfare, or did they really donate their all to the cause?

What I need to work on:

In my first version of the 1st summary I used too many informal words. In order to improve my summary writing skills I need to work on my register. 

To improve my  first summary, I had to take another look at the video itself as my first text included some wrong information based on a misunderstanding of the video. 

What's more, in the first as well as in the second summary I forgot to mention the source of the text as well as the title and the author.

It will be necessary for me to read more newspapers as they contain articles that will help to improve my academic vocabulary and register.